me being silly

wrong?

i can't think of what else can go wrong in my life.

you know the feeling when everything doesn't work out like you want them to? when whatever that could go wrong actually do? when you tend to speak but no one really listen? when somehow after putting aside money for savings, parents, essentials, and not even the normal shopping spree, etc you are dead broke whereas it's the same salary you've been getting for a year or so?

what is actually wrong with my life? i hate blaming it on the PMS.

so let's not.

i just feel like crap. i need to go for a swim. or a fast drive. or a day off to reorganize the closet and lock myself in the room the whole day.

i want out.

as lame as it sounds i got me this book. you think it's gonna help?

actually i already know where i wanna be in the near future. i want to quit this crappy corporate job of mine. i wanna be in bloomington. do my masters. work on odd jobs. and always be with someone i'm mutually in love with.

keep in touch

somehow keeping in touch with friends only work when both parties want to keep in touch.
isn't it ironic how we could be so near to each other yet we don't even see each other at all for over a year? not even an accidental meet up?

somehow. we are still good friends at heart. but it's sad to know that we're good friends merely via sms or phone or YM. otherwise there's no other emotional connections.

i am tired of trying. really tired. if we meet, then we meet.
if not, it's fine. they are still in my prayers and hopefully i'm in theirs.

who is it for?

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
“Say: “Verily, my salat (prayers), my sacrifice, my living, and my dying are for Allah, Lord of all being”
- (Surah Al-An’am 6:162)

A Palestinian Muslim girl prays in the men's mosque before the evening prayer called "tarawih", during the holy fasting month of Ramadan in the West Bank city of Ramallah, Wednesday, Sept. 17, 2008. (AP Photo/Muhammed Muheisen)

my random thoughts

so much is going on in my head for the past few days. while we have agreed that the most bulk of the russian project will be taken up by my boss i still have the JB, Korea & Japan ceremonies to look at. today i kept making references to the korea event while i discuss the japan event and make fun of myself.

yeah. it's true some people envy us for being able to travel. but really, they wouldn't want my job the very least. sigh.

it's really a joke when the company choose to slash some people off the "performing" charts. by slashing it also means a chunk of "reward money" will end up to be merely shattered dreams. i wonder if our team got shot down too. if indeed we did - i am seriously disappointed in the new top guy who i adore all these times. it's pathetic to take away motivation from your staff who work their a$$ off even on wknds or public holiday. seriously i need help to update my resume. any personal helpers? =)

anyhow...i feel like crap. some things are better left unsaid i guess. so let me just have my silence. maybe i am a terrible person. maybe i do have a heart as hard as a rock. i am scared out of my head. what if the heart never opens up for anyone for fear of another heart break? what if i never have the confidence to believe in myself for being a great friend, a great lover, a great company just to be with?

mystery

is it me or am i really a little melancholic lately? =)

preseverence

أعوذ بالله من الشيطان الرجيم بسم الله الرحمن الرحيم
“So patiently persevere, for verily the promise of Allah is true. And do not let those who themselves have no certainty of faith, shake your firmness”
- (Surah Ar-Rum 30:60)

learn somethin'?

when we attend any management of development courses arranged by the company, time and time again the trainers will stress on the learning process...the art of making a disadvantage into an advantage...the art of taking the mistakes we do, picking up the mess we made and turn it into a motivation to strive better.

i wonder if i actually learn anything from the mess that i've made. sometimes i forget to look back. instead i just walk ahead and wander around not knowing how else to do things. how else would i do things other than the ways that i have always done things?

*-*

anywayyyy... here's the " I've learned game" - i got tagged by Ms Tanjung

wow here's quite a bit of something i "think" i've learnt over these years.


I've learned that..
to be happy you have to "filter" what you want to listen to vs what you want to ignore

I've learned that..
a good way to de-stress is to be by yourself and enjoy your own company.

I've learned that..
there's always a child inside of us that gets excited or upset with silly things

I've learned that..
walking with / talking to a good friend on a bad day is a great help

I've learned that..
only we can control our silly mood swings

I've learned that..
we can all be unintendedly funny. ;)

I've learned that..
sometimes the things we really want aren't the things we should really have

I've learned that..
there is no use to stoop to someone's level just to prove a point

I've learned that..
with age, the things we used to like can bore us a little now...

I've learned that..
our mom and dad will love us regardless of how we acted/re-acted towards them

I've learned that..
gaining satisfaction from a job well done is priceless

I've learned that..
the things we want in life don't come easy at all

I've learned that..

having a few really good friends are more valuable than having hundreds of friends we only list in facebook

I've learned that..

the heart will decide what it wants and we shall not force it...

I've learned that..

though for a short while, being in love and loved is a wonderful feeling worth waiting for...

I've learned that..

if we can't have what we want...then we should really try to be happy with what we have...

I've learned that..

the hardest thing to do is to let go...